1 Year

Today marks one year since my first and only pregnancy. After 5 years of trying, my husband and I had finally spontaneously conceived. All thanks to an HSG, that had opened my scarred shut left tube just enough to let his sperm fertilize my egg and begin the most painful and terrifying 2 weeks of my life. Ending in a laparoscopy where there was a very real chance that I would lose my right ovary, along with my left tube, and the only baby I had ever created.

At the time I had seriously hoped I would be pregnant again by now. Not sure how I had come to that idea, but I had. The fact that I’m not, and that I have 0% chance to conceive on my own is a tough cookie to chew on. Especially when I supposedly live in a mandated state, but my insurance doesn’t cover the IVF I so desperately need to create my family.

To say today is a bad day is putting it mildly. I’m trying to hang in there, put one foot in front of the other and keep going. It’s just hard when I am always surrounded by those with families and smiling babies. I know someday I will be a mother, one way or another. Just hard to focus on that when my house and womb is still empty.

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