Today is the last battery of things standing between me and starting my cycle. Today I go in for a repeat HSG and a saline sonogram. The HSG is just to make sure the endometriosis hasn’t caused any issues with my remaining tube, the saline sonogram is to check that I don’t have any polyps or fibroids in my uterus or anything else that would interfere with implantation. Overall, not my idea of a fun day, but considering how hard it was to even get them to do this, I am looking forward to it.
Getting my appointments this month has been like pulling teeth pretty much. While I am beyond grateful to have found a way to do IVF, not going to lie, traveling for IVF is a pain in the ass. No one locally wants to help. I’ve spent so much time on the phone talking my RE’s office into these 2 tests, it’s ridiculous. While I understand the frustration they might have that I am not cycling with them, they are the ones at fault here. If they offered 0% interest in house financing, and it was as cheap as it is at CNY, I would gladly cycle with them. But they don’t, and they are almost 3 times more expensive. So they only have themselves to blame in losing me as an IVF patient.
My next battle will be getting them, or someone else locally to do my monitoring. Thinking of that, I am starting to mildly freak out at this point. After this, I start lupron, have another period, then start stims. My tentative timeline puts me at possibly having my transfer on Halloween. Which I’ll take as a sign of good luck, it being my favorite holiday.
Right now I am excited, nervous, worried, scared, you name it. I’ve waited so long to get here, and I am so happy to FINALLY be here. But I am so scared this will fail. I’m scared I won’t have any eggs. I’m scared I will and they will be shitty. I’m scared I’ll over stimulate and end up with OHSS and blow up like a balloon. I’m scared the transfer will happen and fail. I’m scared the transfer will work, but I will end up with another ectopic or a miscarriage. I’m just scared. I want to have hope, but I have failed so many times to get to this point, hope seems pretty pointless. But I’m going to try anyways. Maybe I can be positive this will work, and it just will. I just hope those around me can catch me if it fails.