So following the transfer, all you get to do is wait. At this point you are what we in the infertility sphere refer to as PUPO, or pregnant until proven otherwise. My beta was 9 days following my transfer, as if I had conceived naturally that would have been 14 days past ovulation, or the day my period would be due.
Because I am obsessive though, I started testing at home 6 days post 5 day transfer or 6DP5DT. I had already tested myself the day of transfer to verify that my trigger shot was out. Just like with my IUI, the trigger used to bring on ovulation is the same hormone that your body produces when you are pregnant called HCG. So you have to check to see if that is out of your system.
Sadly, I pee’d on sticks 6, 7, and 9dp5dt and they were all negative. So, going into my beta the morning of 9dp5dt I already knew the answer.
My first IVF failed. I am not pregnant.
I would try to put into words how that feels, but it is truly impossible. I vacillate currently between hating myself and my body and just trying not to sit at home and cry all day.
The only good thing I have in this situation is the fact that we have 2 frozen embryo’s and I can immediately go back on medications to transfer those in about a month and a half. So I have started that process. In the meantime, I am trying my very best to not hate myself. I feel like the largest failure in the world currently, despite the fact that I have no control in this. Reality is I am grieving and it will simply take time. I leave you with 2 ecards that perfectly explain my current emotional state.