This past week has fluctuated between terrible, to joyous, to horrific, all in a few days time. Last Monday I had a follow up consultation to start working on getting pregnant with my RE. I quit smoking, had all of the meds out of my system from quitting (Chantix + Wellbutrin), had my HSG, had been on my vitamins for a few months, everything he wanted from me before we really started to work on it. The only thing left to do was for Bill to drop off his semen analysis.
So I go to the appointment, and towards the end I mentioned some symptoms I’d had over the past week. He wants an ultrasound, so off I go. During the ultrasound he finds a baseball sized cyst on my right ovary. Which, obviously concerns him as that is abnormal. The only good thing it has going for it is that it is fluid filled and it wasn’t there 3 months ago, so he doubts it is cancerous. He does want me to get on the pill for a month though to try and force it down. So he writes me a scrip and tells me when my period starts to start the pill (which my period was due that day). Then he takes blood, just to make sure I’m not pregnant.
As it turns out, I got to tear up the birth control prescription. Last Monday, we found out after 5 years of trying, 7 years in my life of trying, I had a positive pregnancy test. I get ordered to go back for a repeat draw on Friday to make sure my numbers are going up appropriately and thats it. Get super excited, and anxiously wait for Friday.
Friday rolls around, I go in, call back for my results, and my HCG had only risen 20%. Ideally your HCG will double itself every 48 to 72 hours, but at a minimum they want to see a 60% increase. I get warned I will probably miscarry, what symptoms to watch for, and to come back on Monday for another draw.
Friday night, my right side starts to hurt so bad I think the damned cyst is rupturing so I go to the hospital. Turns out the cyst is okay, just gaining in size, but my HCG levels have dropped significantly since earlier in the day. At this point, it’s basically certain I will miscarry. So they send me home to wait it out.
Monday (yesterday) I go in for my next follow up and blood draw. Mind you, at this point I spent basically my whole weekend in bed crying to myself, I have blown veins in both of my arms, and I’ve had more transvaginal ultrasounds over the past week, than any woman should ever have. I actually had Bill take off work and come with me for this appointment, because I know I am just mentally not okay, and I don’t want to miss anything he tells me.
Go in, get yet another ultrasound, and another 8 vials of blood drawn to check my HCG levels and to run some tests to see if we can find out why I’m miscarrying. My RE at this point thinks I have an ectopic, as I should have started bleeding over the weekend with such a sharp drop in my levels. Nothing is showing on the ultrasound though, except the stupid cyst has now swelled to the size of a softball (hence the pain over the weekend most likely). Call back for blood results in the afternoon, and it’s gone up from the hospital test, and down only a smidge from the results on Friday morning. So my HCG levels over the past week have been:
- Monday 5/6 – 223
- Friday 5/10 – 320
- Friday night 5/10-11 – 237
- Monday 5/14 – 309
So, queue me freaking out. The cyst is on the right side, which indicates some possible abnormalities with the ovary on that side. I ovulated for this pregnancy from my left, so if it was ectopic, it would most likely be in my left tube. Which is my “healthy” side.
Thankfully, later yesterday evening I started cramping and then bleeding. I never thought I would be so happy to have a natural miscarriage, but I am. The other option was on Thursday having another blood draw and my RE probably ordering me a shot of methotrexate to try and stop the ectopic and induce a miscarriage. The biggest downside with that being I’d have to wait 3 months at a minimum to do anything, and I’d have to avoid all folic acid until my HCG levels dropped back down to 0.
So, thats where I am. I am mentally and emotionally exhausted. I’m home from work today, as I’m in too much pain to even attempt to go in.
I’m trying to hold on to the positive. This means I can get pregnant. Which puts me light years ahead of where I am in my treatment plan a week ago. A week ago, I didn’t even think I could get pregnant, because I never had before. Now we know I can. So now it will hopefully just be getting the right cocktail for my ovaries and all will be well.
The other positive, the cyst is probably growing in response to the pregnancy hormones, so my RE thinks once those are gone, it should shrink on it’s own.
And lastly, because I am miscarrying naturally, I can try again sooner (hopefully).
Of course, I am gutted that I finally achieve the one thing I have wanted more then anything in the entire world for the last 3 years, and I don’t even have it for a week. I’m also scared that this was just some sort of fluke, and it will take another 5 years to get pregnant again. 5 years I just don’t have.
But, I know it’s pointless to think like that. It doesn’t help anything. That I did it once, I will do it again, and I just have to try and be as positive as I can. It’s just hard right now. But I know it will get better.