Several people have messaged me asking where I am currently with the whole IVF thing. I had mentioned after my retrieval this winter we had planned on doing a June transfer. That got put on hold when I took a new job in April. I weighed the pro’s and con’s and decided I can’t keep living my life on pause all the time. Hoping for what might happen. With the job change came a 90 day gap in medical coverage. We decided getting pregnant during that period would be a bad idea.
Now that I am covered again, we’re planning on moving ahead with a transfer sometime this fall. Not sure when right now, given it all depends on what my stupid body wants to do, but sometime soon, I think.
I’d be lying if I said yet another break has been relaxing. The longer I wait to do a transfer, the more I struggle with ripping the bandaid back off. I’m doing pretty good holding my shit together right now. But I know another failed transfer is a shot in the gut. That’s the hard truth in all this. While everyone is excited and jealous of my 29 embryos, I am paralyzed by the fear of it failing. Again. Because 4 embryos have already failed me.
But I have to keep going. The suspense of continuing to put it off will also eat away at me, so it feels like a lose lose situation. And we all know I am on borrowed time anyway. If I’m not pregnant by winter, it’s back to the gynecological oncologist for another scan and bloodwork.
So there we have it. In good news though there’s a possible surprise coming up. But,I don’t want to say anything in case it doesn’t work out. We’ll see what happens.