One thing you hear when you are in the trenches of infertility and trying to conceive is people suggesting you should “just adopt”. At this point, I think the majority of people say it because they don’t want to hear about your painful situation. They have no idea what they are saying. Truth is though, people need to be educated. They need to know why adoption is not a cure for infertility, and why suggesting it is is hurtful.
Adoption is a beautiful option for family building. It is, however, not a cure for infertility. It is also not something that is easy, or can happen without care. It is also not only the calling of infertile’s to adopt. Anyone can do so.
So, what do I mean by there being no “just” to adopting?
Telling someone to “just” adopt negates the real difficulties that adoption entails. And I’m not just talking financial difficulties. Deciding to adopt is a serious decision. With adoption you have to open your home, finances, and relationship up to intense scrutiny. You have to be prepared to help your child(ren) deal with the loss that comes with adoption. You need to prepare for the possibility of a failed match. You must be ready for the unknown and the loss of control that comes with it.
There are so many steps in the adoption process, no matter the type of adoption. People suggesting adoption as an easy solution for infertility or childlessness demonstrate a lack of knowledge of the process of adoption. The cavalier nature of ‘Just Adopt’ downplays the difficulties and serious thought that occurs before making the choice. It also downplays the dynamics that surround adoption- possible health concerns, racial ugliness, and the future feelings of the adoptee .
Believe me- we know the ability to adopt exists. For every couple struggling with infertility, I am sure it has been discussed, even when it is not a couples’ current path. Respect adoption and the people who choose to build their families through it. Stop suggesting it as a cure for a disease. Even if the couple you are proposing it to end up adopting, it will not have cured their infertility.