So many of the pains of infertility are untouchable to the fertile world. They just simply can’t understand the pain it causes you to try for months on end to only fail. We’re all taught that sex=babies, and when that doesn’t happen, you can’t help but feel broken. But there are alot of other reasons it makes you feel broken.
- You’re told you don’t know what love is until you have a child.
- You’re told your marriage isn’t as deep until you have a child.
- You’re less dependable until you have a child.
- You’re less of a woman until you have a child.
- You’re obviously selfish until you have a child.
Then we get things thrown back in our faces like:
- You don’t understand the stress of children.
- You don’t know tired until children.
- You don’t know responsibility until children.
- You have so much “free time”.
But here’s the thing. An infertile couple? We do know tired. We do know responsibility. Our marriages do become deeper because of the pain we must carry together. And free time? Money? Throw those out the window because we are pumping thousands of dollars a month into the hope of getting a baby.
Do several monthly vaginal ultrasounds at 6 am sound pleasant? What about injecting yourself with massive doses of hormones? What about no sex for 2 weeks because you are using suppositories that make you feel pregnant and you can’t run the risk of interfering with getting pregnant?
You think some of that might make someone tired? Or angry? Imagine feeling pregnant for 2 weeks out of every month only for it to fail miserably and not be true.
Now try doing it in secret because everyone around you thinks it’s okay to ask “How things are going” and give their obviously sage words of advice like “Just relax” or “Trying is the fun part, right”.
Yes. Because my husband jacking off in a cup and me laying naked from the waist down in a doctors office while I am inseminated is definitely my idea of a good time and doesn’t kill the romance at all, right? I forgot to relax for the first 4 years we were trying for a baby, thanks!
And this is all just the tip of the iceberg. I don’t think I could efficiently put into words the pain you go through every single month when your period comes. To know you are basically bleeding away hundreds, if not thousands of dollars and all of your hopes and dreams. It really truly does kill a small part of you everytime it happens. Now imagine sitting at month 84. Welcome to my world.