I’ve had some questions recently as far as where I am and what is going on now. What’s my next move? How do I feel?
Emotionally? I’m a complete trainwreck. I think that’s to be expected. The 2ww post transfer was five times worse then any other 2ww I have ever been through. Why? I think it’s because I knew there were fertilized embryo’s in there. I didn’t have to wonder if egg and sperm met. I knew they did. So at this point it means either something was wrong with both of those embryo’s, or my body just sucks. Reality is, it’s 50/50 which of those is the issue. Being how long it took just to get to that point, and being only human, I want to blame myself. Well, I should say my body, given it wasn’t willful. But, you know, that isn’t how that works. I may not have control over it, but I want to place blame on myself as opposed to it being poor luck or poor biology.
Physically? My bruises from the lovenox have finally faded. It’s a good thing I’m a fat girl and no one would ever see my stomach except Bill, because it looked like I had been beaten across the abdomen. Really hot look, lemme tell ya.
The next step is already under way. I got my period 2 days after I stopped all medication and I went in for yet another baseline the very next week. Started birth control on the 12th and started lupron this past Friday night. I take my last BCP tomorrow and then wait to get a withdrawl bleed so I can go for another scan. Then I start estrogen multiple times a day in the hopes of artificially preparing my lining to transfer my 2 frozen embryo’s a couple days before Christmas.